


One Step Forward

by TheEntireStateOfKentucky



Series: Borderlands Works [4]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Comforting, Depression, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Mordecai is a saint, Nightmares, Sad times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 07:03:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10078772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEntireStateOfKentucky/pseuds/TheEntireStateOfKentucky
Summary: "You take one step forward, and they drag you three steps back..."





	

"Growing up with a mental illness and suicidal tendencies is one of the strangest phenomenon i've ever experienced."

 

Mordecai looks up from the pamphlet he was reading.

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced over the Commander, they were sitting at the middle table with one leg against their chest. They didn't meet his eyes.

 

"Its like...You grow up, and you don't even think you'll make it to 18. So you don't plan ahead, you just... figure one day you'll snap, one day you'll end it all. And you don't think about the 'what if's' of when you're older, because, in your mind, you'll never  _ be _ older." 

He continued, he was staring down at the holographic map with a look of contemplation.

"And....-and then suddenly you're 18 and you don't know what to do--you never thought you would get this far."

 

Mordecai wants to say something, desperately wants to reach out and tell the other it's okay- but Roland keeps talking.

 

"So then, you're playing catch-up with everyone else that had their plan, their life-- they had it figured out. And you don't." He presses his lips into a thin line, and goes silent for a few minutes. The hunter is half tempted to speak up, but he know the other isn't finished.

 

Suddenly, Roland speaks up again.

 

"I didn't have to make a choice. My parents sent me to Pandora when I was 18," he paused briefly, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"They sent me here because they knew, they knew it would be easier to live here, even with all the violence, even with all the--the delusion and bandits-- they knew Pandora wasn't

Promethea, and that was enough." He closed his eyes, he started rather monotone. However slowly, there was some feeling that seeped back into his voice. Some form of distress, Mordecai would assume.

 

"When I first got here, I didn't know what to do. I never thought I'd make it to 18--never thought i'd even leave my  _ planet _ ." he breathes in deeply, before sighing. His shoulders slump slightly.

"I guess... I guess I wanted to help others. I wanted to teach people what that was like, and the Lance said I could." His voice is cold now. Sharp as steel.

 

"The only thing they did was make me fire a gun and sap all of my creativity out of me." Mordecai shudders at how low his voice gets at that-- he sounds-- he sounds betrayed. And he technically was. He couldn't forget that.

 

"We slept in bunkers, y'know? Those walls were all grey, so were the beds-- and the floors, our armor..." he sighed quietly. 

"Everything was grey. They never let us have anything meaningful other than each other." 

 

The hunter felt frozen to the floor. This was probably the most Roland had ever said about his time in the Lance-- he wasn't about to push the other man away.

 

"I regret a lot." He croaked, and Mordecai could practically feel his heart crack at the sound of the others desperation.

 

"I regret all the people I killed, just because I was told to-- I regret all the families I tore apart-- all the  _ children _ I--" He hunched forward, covering his mouth for a few moments. He was shaking slightly, and the hunter stepped closer to them. He was tempted to just wrap the Commander in a big hug right now, but realistically he knew it would just make the other cry. Roland gasped quietly as he recovered, sitting back up.

 

"You know, you try so hard to redeem yourself, you try so  _ hard _ to be better-- to be a good person." he lets out a shaky breath.

 

"You try to lean more towards the blue, rather than the red. But you take one step forward, and they drag you three steps back, and--" He sucks in a breath, visibly defeated.

"And suddenly you're purple. And no matter how hard you try you just keep getting dragged back into that red." He clenches his fists. Mordecai steps closer, and Roland stands up, leaning his weight against the table.

 

"So.. You start to think that-- that maybe you should just stand still." The hunter is wrapping him up in a hug in seconds, and Roland clings back to them. He doesn't cry just yet-- but he shakes. He's shaking, and he's willing himself not to cry. He almost succeeds.

 

"You're a good person." 

 

He feels his eyes tear up.

 

"You've just made mistakes."

 

Suddenly he's sobbing, and their sitting together on the dirty floor, wrapped around each other. And Mordy doesn't mind one bit, he just holds the other until they're okay, and then he takes them to lay down. He stays with Roland, and doesn't leave him for more than a few moments. He does this until the Commander is okay.

  
A few months later, and Roland brings it up again while they're laying in bed together, just laying. And Mordy smiles at him, because he's more than happy to listen.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short one, I just wanted to write something with Roland, so yeah, enjoy!


End file.
